Etiquette (week 1)

And so the writing continues. I have already 1k words more than I actually need for my new little story, which makes me really happy. Writing has been a nice little retreat to take every single day, as my anxiety keeps creeping up to new heights with the semester coming to an end. But I haven't really introduced my new story have I?

Well, I want to take a part in a competition I participated long time ago, because after NaNoWriMo, I kinda miss writing in Czech. (And I want to win that thing too.) The aspiring writer life haven't been exactly kind to me so far, but I have regained my motivation and I really want to create a short story or a novella I will be proud of, before I get back to work on my novel from this November (no, I haven't abandoned it, shush).

The deadline for the competition is in July and it's for fantasy stories of any length. And since I haven't really written a classic sword and sorcery story for a long time, I wanted to give it a try. With the exception that I'll have rapiers. Because I really loved the musketeers when I was a kid and http://mint-teatime.blogspot.cz/ was recently gushing to me about the new BBC show which has ignited the spark once again.

So this first week has been mostly outlining and researching the 17th century France, which was the original setting of the musketeer's books by Dumas, but now that I have looked into it, I think I will push it a bit further, to the reign of Louis XIV and XVI, so I can work with shady cardinals, crazy Versailles manners and some of my favourite women from this era: Madame de Pompadour and Marie Antoinette. I think it will be really fun to twist the common tropes about fantasy knights and what not into French baroque. Or a fantasy imitation of it as it's not going to be a historical novel, after all.

Day 11: FaceTime an old friend.

(Everything is horrible and I want chocolate.)

Phone calls terrify me (ha, anyone surprised?) My face can sometimes terrify me too. And facing people in general tends to be a big no-no. But since I'm not (yet) a hermit writer living somewhere at the end of the world locked away in a creepy cabin, I have no choice but to buckle up and face the horrors.

But I am actually glad, that the nightmare from http://mint-teatime.blogspot.cz/ decided to call me via skype and show me her first book ever! Full of her amazing photographs from their family vacation in Cape Verde. And as a true friend, she was okay with me remaining in darkness and not switching on my webcam <3

We chatted for 46 minutes - which is easily the longest phone call I have ever endured. And I didn't get a panic attack. And we complained about everything and I saw her dog and got to see her silly face again. All of the things I missed.

And I can't believe that I am actually saying this about a living, breathing human, but - 

- I hope to see you soon in person.

Words & Swords

NaNoWriMo is over and it was a wild ride. In order to force myself to really push hard for the win, I wanted to do (at least) weekly updates about my writing process. As you can see, none of them actually happened. Ups. The good news is, however, that I won and I have 50,000 words for a story that I am really excited about. The even better thing is that I have found a couple of like-minded people when it comes to writing and it has been so much fun to gush about our stories. The thing I am really proud of, though, is the daily writing habit. I managed to update my word count every. single. day. Even if I had written one word only (that actually did happen once).

I admit, November has been super stressful month for me and December is not looking any better. And I can't even look at 2017 right now, that's how little I'm prepared for what's about to come next. I think we can pretty much all agree, that this year has been a bad one. But I survived, we survived, and to keep on surviving I need a creative outlet. I need to do something selfish and full of lies, that's mine and mine only and no one can take that away from me, because I am the one who made it. I am in full control. I've figured that I will always be stressed out and always be busy and always be rubbish at managing anything, so I might as well be procrastinating every day by something that will actually make me happy in the long run.

So I don't want to throw all my writing efforts out of the window for the sake of being a successful adult™. I decided to take it easy and downgrade to only 500 words a day, every day, by hand, to clear my head and colour the margins of my notebooks with pretty colours and think about swords and epic adventures while drinking my tea and eating breakfast and mentally preparing for the day that I will most surely hate.

And if I have to wake up in 4 am to make it happen, I'm gonna do it.

* * *

What do you wake up for?

Day 9: Make a scrapbook.

(Just check out my tumblr.)

I've been obsessed with journaling since I was very little. Obsessed, however, doesn't mean good at. And being good at it is not what journaling is for, but being good at things was always something I was. I was that typical clever child, who excels at school and never causes much trouble. For a very long time, that was the definition of myself and it's still something I struggle to this day. I need to be good at things right from the very start. Otherwise I will never get the courage to start something - or - upon seeing how bad I am I will abandon that new thing immediately and never attempt it ever again. That's really not a healthy way of doing things.

I used to get thrilled when I stumbled upon something I had zero knowledge about. That usually meant I got to explore the part of library I hadn't before and read more books. Awesome. But as I got older that thrill turned into a horror. I feared not knowing things and angering my parents or my teachers or failing a test or an exam. And as things got progressively more difficult, I started to fail more often. And I started to fear more often.

The other thing is that my father loves taking photos or filming what he's doing and I guess I inherited that trait as well. But it always turned into an obsession. Whenever I started something that would capture my life, whether it was a handwritten journal or taking screenshots of things I liked or social media like instagram... I couldn't keep up. I couldn't continue when I messed up a page, or missed a day and didn't post anything - or - I would start trying to capture everything. I would meticulously add dates and the exact time I wrote things, I would take screenshots almost every single minute because I was afraid I would miss something important. I would monitore my conversations, my food, everything.

The last part is "forgetting" itself. I know how much it hurts to be neglected and I know how important it can be to remember things, even the little ones. I am scared to forget while knowing that forgetting is inevitable. I am scared to miss a word, a date, a moment - with the people I care about, because I care. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.

OCD much? Yes. From time to time I manage to notice that I am getting crazy over something ridiculous and stop doing that, but... not always. 

So. I have always wanted to have a pretty journal where I would write things about my life. And my friends will write things about me. Having very messed up life and very little (if none) friends didn't really supported that notion, so I have many blank and unfinished journals online or off. Blogging is a part of the problem. I even abandoned writing journal as letters - the thing I was so thrilled at the beginning of this challenge.

Having irrational brain is a curse.

With that long ramble out of the way, I was always fascinated by journals, doodles, scrapbooks, albums, collages and other similar memorabilia. I always wanted to be one of those people who does them and does them well. To just take couple of minutes of my day and in the end of the year or a decade having created something so complex I will be proud of my past self that she spared those little minutes.

Recently I was recommending a bullet journal system to a Writing Buddy over at NaNoWriMo as a way to organise the notes for her story, because it has been a tremendous help for me to organise my studies at university. And while I am grateful to be more organised and efficient with my time than I ever was in my life, bullet journaling hasn't been really good for casual journaling - at least for me. I have tons of little pieces, tickets and pressed flowers and tiny shit like that to put into it, but I never have the time. I never have the right pieces. I never have the right blank page. And journal entries themselves have been really scarce. While bullet journaling really is good for tackling a lot of things at once, I am not.

So I've decided it's time for another change. For December I will dedicate my bullet journaling to writing only (as I have all my school deadlines online, on my desktop and in my phone so I see them constantly and couldn't miss them even if I tried) and I bought a planner for the next year. Really cheap, weekly one, with a black cover. Perfect.

You see, I never used planners, because they can be really expensive and I felt guilty not using the space to its full potential because there weren't that many things going on. Or there were, but I did not want to talk about them, ever. I kinda hope now, that the same guilt will force me to use that space with anything I can - writing or doodling or inserting little pictures I get, whatever. I think, that if I manage to set aside time for regular writing - like I did during NaNo and plan to continue going forward - including couple extra minutes to journal should be easy.

Or easier. We'll see. I've picked the colour scheme and goals for the next year and I've lied out the spare pages and everything. Wish me luck. And I wish you a life worth remembering in return.

Day 8: Listen to the radio.

(I WANT MORE.)

Radio plays are wonderful things. If there's such a thing as expert in listening, I've been born one. I have always learnt the best by listening to lectures, I have an excellent memory for music and sounds which has been particularly helpful when I was learning the musical theory and played in a local orchestra. But even when you are reading silently, chances are you are reading by using that little inner voice that is telling you what is on the page. (I know there's a thing called speed reading and I'm not a fan. Well, kinda. But that's for another article entirely.).

Sure, radio as a medium has been on decline ever since the television showed up, but I do not think it will completely disappear, ever. It's a similar thing with books and e-books. Each thing has different advantages. And I think, there is a special kind of magic surrounding audio-only stories that will always find it's audience. Take the recent boom of audiobooks and podcasts for example.

Long story short, I love audiostories. I love the intimacy of someone else narrating a story for me. The fact that there are no visual clues to guide your imagination gives it a special kind of freedom. You cannot really see the story happening, but it feels like you are nonetheless right in the middle of it. It's that weird kind of hangover you get from seeing a really good movie and leaving the cinema afterwards still feeling like you are a part of that film. Like it's not really over. Like all the things around you are brighter, louder, clearer and exciting.

I even tried to write a radio play, once, it didn't go well, as I'm not used to write dialogue heavy things, but I hope that one day, I'll learn it and make it happen. But today, I was thrilled to dive into a short story by Neil Gaiman that has been recently adapted into a play by BBC Radio 4. It's a story set in the London Below from Neverwhere: How the Marquis Got His Coat Back featuring Marquis de Carabas, one of my favourite characters and without spoiling anything for you - it has been such a delight to go back to this world once again. I just wished it was longer and I didn't have to say goodbye to London so soon.

23 lessons in 23 years

Surprise! I'm 23 years old. A little over 8,400 days. I know, I know, I can't believe it either. I generally hate all kinds of birthdays and avoid them as much as I fucking can, but one fact remains: I am an autumn child. Autumn is my favourite season and October my favourite month. I also stumbled upon a trend of youtube videos about things, lessons, that people have learned throughout the years and were compiling on their birthdays... and I decided to do it too, before the month is over, as a nice way to revive my blog, shake off the dust here and there, polish the bones etc.

So, these are the 23 lessons that I have learnt and I should be acting accordingly, or at least try. Hope you enjoy!

I. Writing a book is simple, not easy. But no matter what, remember, that writing is the thing you love the most. Don't let your stupid mess of a brain convince you otherwise.

II. Back. Up. Everything. Regularly.

III. Memento mori. There are no second chances.

IV. Everything is mutable. Nothing is unchangeable. You can do whatever you set out to do. But don't set out yourself to do all the things at once, because you'll achieve nothing and turn yourself into a crying mess. Pick one thing and stick with it until the end.

V. Do not aim for perfection, aim for finishing. There will always be someone who can do something better than yourself, but there will be no one who has done the things you did.

VI. Being sick, broken or to have any other disadvantage doesn't mean you've failed.

VII. Do not force yourself to fit into a box. You do not need chains to have a personality. You do not need a title to be worthy.

VIII. Past cannot be changed. Don't wallow in it. There are plenty reasons for crying yet to come, you don't need to hold on to the old ones.

IX. It's okay to love. It's okay to lust. It's okay to do none at all, ever. Honestly you don't need to be romantically or sexually loved to be valued as a companion. Just make sure there is no other "you" and you will be cherished as you deserve. Make all of your acquaintances "know" there's no other "you" around. Your relationship, whatever it may be, will be one of a kind. Behave like that.

X. "Si non confectus, non reficiat. That was the motto of the Vetinaris. Everything worked if you just let it happen." Fight the universe by adapting. Become morally superior to Gods.

XI. No one can fight as fiercely as a girl can. Remember that.

XII. People will forget what you've done and said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Gods forget neither.

XIII. Have no regrets. Do whatever you think is best at the time with the information you have. If you make a mistake, accept it and learn from it. Grow.

XIV. Being clever or talented doesn't mean you have to be successful at the first try. Don't be afraid to make those mistakes.

XV. Leave your emotions for the Art. You are really bad at them IRL. But don't be ashamed for crying. It means you feel something. Which is always better than depression.

XVI. Strive to be better, not perfect. Better than you were yesterday. Stop procrastinating. Question things. Trust yourself.

XVII. Curl your hair. It makes you feel awesome. Being sexy and confident is a mindset. Having curly hair is a part of that for you.

XVIII. Black goes well with everything. Especially black.

XIX. Optimism is useless, it will always let you down sooner than later. Be a pessimist. Hate everything. You'll get pleasantly surprised now and then when something doesn't fuck up, but you'll still be prepared for the worst. The pillar of the fucking universe.

XX. Honesty is the best policy. If still in doubts, use sarcasm.

XXI. Words are power. Knowledge is power. Curiosity is power. All dangerous in their own way, handle with care. Share with friends. Conquer the world.

XXII. Be evil, but as Wil Wheaton says: Don't be a dick.

XXIII. Do not forget to breathe.

Day 21: Go on a picnic.

(Food is the best currency.)

Merida is back in town which means more teasing about stories I haven't written yet.

I know I'm the worst. But it is great talking about our fictional characters once again. And about all the other fictional characters we love. And to plot out more suffering for everyone. Buahahahayes.

Also some puppies were there and a manageable amount of people and close to zero ants. Picnics are slowly becoming the next best thing for me.

Day 6: Have a sleepover.

(I had hot chocolate for lunch. About one litre of it. And that was just the start.)

This was bound to be a crazy day from start to finish. Firstly, there was all the travel back to Prague and generally hanging out with a lot of people. And I am not good with people, whether it's family, friends, teachers or classmates or total strangers. Personally, I'm kinda used to it now, but my anxiety deems it necessary to give me an attack or two just in case I forget. 

Secondly, I'm also not good at baking, apparently, and I'm able to spoil even the easiest chocolate coating ever. Hence the liquid lunch. But hey, at least I haven't burnt the gingerbread, so by the late afternoon I set out to meet my friend with whom I'll be spending the rest of the day. And night. And possibly many months after.

This was my first official netflix & chill with another person in another's flat. Freaky. And awkward. But that's all human interactions for me, so that's probably not surprising at all. What WAS surprising was the ending of the fourth season of Orange Is The New Black and it made me SO MAD I am still not over it (There won't be any spoilers.) And I won't be watching the start of the fourth season, nor continuing with the series, because what they did in the last four episodes was absolutely fucked up and couldn't make me care less about this series.

And I think it's sad. Don't get me wrong, by default OITNB is not something I would usually watch, it's not a genre I go for, but I was happy to see such diverse show and a show that is dealing with so many different ways of how your life can turn upside down and you end up in prison. I liked the way it portrayed the world as one grey mess, I liked how it showed that in many cases it's impossible to pinpoint the "good" side and the "evil" side of things. How it presented the ways one might be pushed to do something against the law. The world is complex and people too. (Not to mention that there are very little shows featuring that many women.) But I don't think it's no longer done well.

What to say. They killed of one of the best characters of the show and their death was absolutely unnecessary and - no surprise at all - it angered a lot of people. It was done purely for shock value, they could kill off ANYONE of the characters in their place and it would have served the same purpose. But no, they decided to go for that one. And did it very poorly. There were ways how to get rid of that character instead, if they wanted the actress gone, but man... this was bad. And the main plot regarding Piper (the main character) was dumb and the finale and the giant cliffhanger at the very end just made me want to punch the screen in rage. Like I said. Completely unnecessary, completely dumb and not worth your time. I will not watch the beginning of the season, because it is not worth my time and I will not continue with the series, because the writing is just bad. And I recommend you do the same - the first three seasons of OITNB are excellent and are so worth checking out, but do not bother with the fourth season. Just don't.

At the end of it all, we bettered our mood with some cartoons and sweets and sleep. My friend always falls asleep during films it's almost a tradition now xD. And I have probably a place to live for couple of years, hopefully. And keys to that place. Thanks all the Lords and Ladies.

Day 3: Rearrange your furniture.

(Furniture? What furniture?)

One of the things that I absolutely love, is rearranging my bookshelves. I am known to have very intricate systems for displaying books that are forced to live with me, that change about once a week according to my moods, so I can rearrange everything once more. By that logic, moving the furniture from place to place could prove to be fun too. No?

Well, there are two reasons why I decided to move things around and none of them was pleasant. First, the only socket in our room stopped working which meant I had to come up with some way to use any extension cables at my disposal to try to get electricity back so I could do my school work (and more preferably to procrastinate online, as usual) while eliminating as many possibilities to trip over and cripple myself or my roommate (if she ever decided to come back to the place she lives in).

And secondly, I needed to move the table and the bookshelf out of the way for the most annoying and useless maintenance man that has ever walked the earth who is coming tomorrow to fix things. [Update: he didn't fix anything, to no one surprise.]

Gods, I'm so excited to move out from this place. Even if it means that I'll have no furniture to rearrange for years to come.

Day 23: Roast marshmallows.

(Awesome decision.)

For a long time lilac has been my favourite scent ever. Closely followed by cinnamon and pineapple, lately. Anyways. I decided to indulge myself a little bit today and so I roasted some marshmallows on a fork above the lilac candle I recently bought in IKEA. And as it turned out the small candle in glass was the ideal size for this yummy experiment.

Day 18: Take a bath.

(One of the reasons why I travel back to north once a month.)

I love baths. It's like getting hugged by pure sunshine for an hour except that I do not have to leave the house. And I can listen to audiobooks. And light some candles. And be alone. And all in all pamper myself.

That's probably why I do not have a bath in Prague. Life is cruel.

Day 29: Blow bubbles.

(Multitasking is possible but NOT HELPFUL AT ALL.)

Recent days brought so much worries into my life that I have to even schedule time, where I can be stressed about all of that shit. This day for example involved civil wars, poisons, the giant mess that is U.S.A., looking for a flat, looking for a job, dements & dementors, working on my novel, somehow also working on my fanfics, blog, diary, essays and to put a nice bow on it: panicking over my bachelor thesis, Also I happened to see the worst, weirdest movie about vampires you can ever imagine. Yes, worse than the first Twilight movie. Worse. 

No wonder the weirdness of my dreams is lately so off the charts. Seriously I need a to do list to keep in check all of my to do lists. And I should definitely stop listening to that one song by Taylor Swift over and over again. Okay it's two songs. Maybe three.

In order of this giant mess that has become my day to day reality, I decided to bring a bubble kit to my run. So I can blow bubbles while I'm running for my life, other people stare at me and other dead people stare at me with salivas and flesh dripping down their mouths. Thank Gods Zombies, Run! is just an audio story.

(You know, just imagine me in the middle of the forest - completely out of breath - trying to blow some bubbles while the light is quickly fading out everywhere, because even the sun doesn't want to have anything in common with me. And then it started to rain, because why the fuck not.)

Also, did you know that echidna have four headed penises? Now you know. (For your own sake - don't google it.)

This is my life.

This is my life.

Day 20: Try nail art.

(Everyone needs more glitter in their life.)

Normally, I wouldn't dare to call it "art" not even "nail art", but for the sake of the challenge I will. Guess who has now pink glittery nails with silver glitter poured all over it to be the sparkliest goth ever?

Me a.k.a. Totally Adult Person.

Day 185: Dress up for no reason.

(Bring the TARDIS I'm ready.)

Once upon a time on Facebook I randomly saw one post. As it usually happens, because their algorythm sucks big time. It was from a fan page and the basic message was something like:

"Dress everyday like you are about to run away with the Doctor."

And since that day it became my mantra. Well sort of. I mean I'm not nearly rich enough to dress how I want and sometimes even not to dress in something I hate. But recently I've been trying to wear my favourite pieces instead of saving them for later, because a) every day deserves to be savoured b) one day it's not gonna fit me anymore or my fashion tastes will change c) I kinda want to get richer so I can get myself even prettier clothes anyway. So If I want to wear something, I'm gonna wear it.

That means, that a lot of the time I dress up just because I managed to get out of my bed. I wear my pretty black dress way more often and I'm loving it. This time it was because I had a seminar in the evening that I never want to go to, because people. And talking. And stuff. Creepy.

Day 87: Go to the movies.

(Carrots!)

It's been AGES since I was at the cinema for the last time and it was even longer since I've seen anything good there. Which is a shame, so me and my room mate decided, that we'll go and see Zootopia today.

And. It. Was. Awesome.

My Gods, it was.

I get that a lot of the things were lost in translation and also in the fact that the cultural references and social demographic is way different here in the Czech Republic than in USA, but as someone who study current events and the US history as well, I couldn't imagine better movie for this year. The animation was great, the city itself reminded me of solarpunk aesthetic and art nouveau architecture SO MUCH I was squeeling with delight. The character designs of the animals were cool as well as the plot of the whole story was clever too, even though it got a little bit repetitive - but come on, it's a kids movie.

I'm just a bit disapointed I didn't get to experience all the great puns and everything, as it was dubbed, - because, hey, it's a kids movie - but I have to admit that the transaltion was good nonetheless, which is sadly something that doesn't happen very often.

Day 203: Drink green tea.

(No power in the universe can stop me.)

There's hardly a day when I don't drink tea. And I admit, green tea wasn't my favourite for a long time. I had to move out to Prague, become an adult and actually get a friend and she was so lovely to introduce me to green teas. Which is also hardly a surprise as even her blog name is green tea related - yes, I am talking about non other than http://mint-teatime.blogspot.cz/.

Today I had three cups of a delightful jasmine green tea and I couldn't have chosen any better.

Day 196: Go on a Tumblr binge.

(Unnecessary procrastination.)

Today was the day of lame jokes, fashion, reminiscing about the Fifth Element movie, shiping Alexis and Haley from Castle, memes about new Star Wars and wondering how big the oceans really are.

My tumblr has the same name my blog does, in case you're wondering.

Day 54: Listen to a podcast about something that interests you.

(Fictional worlds here I come.)

Well technically it's not a podcast, it's a university course that was being filmed for the whole semester, but I could download just the audio and listen to it like a podcast if I wanted to. But of course I don't want to do that, too much work.

I can't recall exactly what made me stumble upon this course, but one day I just found myself absolutelly captivated by it. And then several other days, because it's a uni course, so it's long, okay.

Brandon Sanderson, one of the biggest and greatest fantasy writers of this time - and one I haven't read yet shame on me - is teaching a creative writing course and his 2012 and 2013 lectures are all filmed and put up online on youtube and gathered on this site with some more resources and blog posts and other useful stuff that I haven't even checked out yet - http://www.writeaboutdragons.com/.

(And this is the complete list of all the lectures and alike, if you're interested: http://www.writeaboutdragons.com/brandon_w2012/ .)

So you see, it's quite easy to understand why I am so happy about this thing. It's a free uni course made available to the world so other people and - aspiring *cough cough* - writers can learn from it and make their work better. And I just flew through the 2012 course in a bunch of days and I have learnt so, so much just by listening. And yes I do watch lectures and interviews with writers I don't even read (yet) quite often, because there's always something to learn. Or new to discover.

But I am well aware that my listening skills will never make me a good writer. And because I am not brave enough to try out the website functions and I don't feel like I am able to write fiction fully in English (yet?) anyway, I decided to develop a sort of a writing challenge for me:

For every thousand words I write for my first draft on that one thing I've been recently working on, I can watch a new lecture. And so far I am doing great. I could be doing way better, but as always I got held up by other worries of my crazy life and sometimes there was just absolutely no time to write. But I am writing more often and actually trying to get better and work on myself. I also stopped believing that I will ever publish anything - I just want to write. I know I want to. So a make myself sit the fuck down every fucking day and do it.

Thanks Brandon! :)

Day 149: Clean the house for a roommate or significant other.

(Feeling like a capable adult.)

I don't mind cleaning from time to time after other people, it's a nice gesture to do and it sort of alleviates the daily stress for them - or even for you if you need to stop thinking about stuff and just do something - because there's always dust somewhere, there are always some dirty dishes or clothes that deserve to be cleaned or at least you should really, really vacuum the floor or something. And that's what I did today, I cleaned the flat for me and my roomate. And I am kinda proud that I am able to do that on a fairly regular basis despite my depressions and general laziness. I'm glad that it's not like at the house I was brought up in, in which you could slave all the days you have on this planet away and still live in a disgusting mess because permanently cleaming after five people is just impossible if you have other responsibilities. Whether you are a child or not. Stop the Cinderella bullshit.

I don't want to go back. Ever. 

Day 154: Join a book club.

(Bring on the smut!)

The first book club I have ever joined was the Vaginal Fantasy book club founded by Felicia Day (and co-hosted by Veronica Belmont, Bonnie Burton and Kiala Kazebee - you can check it out here: http://vaginalfantasy.com/). During that time I don't think I even knew that book clubs in general exist. And I definitely didn't know that I'd be interested in reading romances. Like HELL NO keep them away from me. Please. 

But it was founded by Felicia Day! And since the day they started broadcasting their monthly hangouts I haven't missed a single one of them. Well... technicaly I watched their livestream only twice or three times, but that's because they start in 4 am in the morning here. So I usually watch them couple hours later while I'm eating my breakfast. And I do not even care that I haven't actually read the book(s) they are talking about, I'm just enjoying the debate. I intend to catch up eventually and read everything, but come on, I don't have the time nor the money currently, to buy all of the books especially when some even haven't come out in the Czech Republic yet. But... some day. 

Some day. Like it's with every goal that I have.

So yeah. Vaginal Fantasy was my first ever book club and I love it even though I don't actually contribute to the discussion in the comments or in the Goodreads group in any way. Because I'm shy. And didn't read everything. However, the book club itself and the books that were read had a tremendously good effect on me. Despite the fact that I started to watch it only because Felicia is there.

It made me more comfortable talking and reading about sex and feminist issues way better than anything... well ever. It made me question the role of women and men and sexuality in our society and all the stuff like that. It made me curious about a topic I've been bored or repulsed by basicaly all of my life. And I think that's hella important. (Yes, I did just use that word.) Especially when sex education in the Czech Republic is so poor. And the whole topic of sex is still kinda embarassing for everyone and kinda a taboo to speak about even though it's 2016. But with things like Vaginal Fantasy (Gods that name) it's suddenly become easier because... you are talking about books. You are talking about stories and fictional worlds with fairies and stuff.

The main idea behind this book club is to read fantasy or sci-fi romance and erotica books, explore the sub-genres and kinda prove that there is more to those books than it seems. That even romances and eroticas can have and amazing plot, exciting characters and detailed setting and well developed worlds and magic systems and technology and everything other "better" books have. And of course, some good sex. Well written and realistic (or at least well thought out when you're fucking an alien or something). That they are not some "low" and "cheap" genres and that people who read them are not stupid etc. All these common prejudices people tend to have towards this kind of a literature (because to be honest the majority of it is bad. Really bad. But that's how all the entertainment work guys). 

And I certainly - and for a very long time - thought the same. I hated chick lit. I hated to read even young adult books because the romances were just so bad, so boring, so insta-lovey, so unreal and fake and idealized. I hated the fact that this is how the world sees girls and young women like me and that this is the way I should feel, I should behave - or I am expected to do so in my age. And with my gender. And I know that the point of fantasy is to not be real, but good stories need to have some logic in order to be good and feel real, so that they can have a big impact on our soul and make us want this world to be real.  So even though the characters end up together and everything is happy and amazing, I always felt cheated and I knew, I knew that their relationship wouldn't work in real life. It just wouldn't. And I knew that there are far more exciting things in the world than finding "the one" while you're still 15. It just all felt so unrealistic to me. The only YA book that I actually loved while I was still a teenager was the first Twilight book - because VAMPIRES and I was EXACTLY the blunt, boring and clumsy girl Bella was - right to the last two chapters, because COME ON, THE END WAS SO STUPID and AGAIN not realistic AT ALL. And I never finished the series, I just couldn't, I was so mad. I still am. And I am still kinda avoiding these genres... with the exceptions of the Vaginal Fantasy monthly picks, so I have a chance to discover something good.

But. Why am I talking about all this. Today I discovered another kinda smutty book club with a fitting name: Slutty Book Club. It is made as a series of short videos and sketches and so far it seems that the book picks are kinda random. There's not much so far, I've watched it all today, but I am not really sure how to feel about it, because some of the jokes and segments of the show seem forced and not really well tought out and kinda offensive...? But it still might prove interesting. So I am willing to give it a shot for while.

I am also participating in other book clubs, my favourite is the Sword & Laser partially hosted by Veronica Belmont (and the second co-host is Tom Merritt) who is also one of the hosts of Vaginal Fantasy and she is just amazingly clever and I love her like all of the ladies in VF. This book club is obviously focused on fantasy and sci-fi books in general and I am slowly getting through it in a similar manner like I do with Vaginal Fantasy. They also do a LOT of discussions with famous authors so if you like these genres it's definitely worth checking out their youtube channel or their podcast webpage with all the info you might desire - http://swordandlaser.com/. It's so worth it.

Then I am interested in the Around the World in 80 Books which is a Goodreads group focused on books set all over the planet, which might be really cool to explore, and the The Feminist Orchestra Bookclub, which name is again pretty self explanatory. But sadly I haven't had the time to get around to them yet.

So many books to read, so little time. Feels like heaven anyway.

Day 152: Enjoy coffee and a book.

(Let's start a war, shall we?)

I hate coffee.

I really, really do.

I hate the taste, the smell and the caffein in it does absolutely nothing to me, too, so every time I tasted this brown thing, it has been a torture. No matter what kind of coffee it was or who made it.

A. Torture.

Ugh.

So there's no way I'm doing that again and I don't even have any cappuccino which is the only thing close enough that I am able to drink without getting sick. If there's enough sugar and cream and chocolate in it. So let's foster my tea addiction with this one, okay? That was what I was about to do, yes. I sat down to our big red armchair, put my mug with some plum and vanilla tea on the handle and sunk into the Paradise Lost by John Milton. They finally published a decent modern translation last year - even with the illustrations! - so I've been slowly getting through this epic poem about Lucifer getting his revenge on God and I have to say that so far I'm enjoying it a lot. Not that I expected anything else.

Day 16: Go to your local farmers market.

(Or stumble and break your leg I guess.)

The sun was shinning and because the idea of me trying to squeeze into a smaller bus on this afternoon to get home from uni, was even more appalling than usual, due to these first signs of a better weather - finally - I decided to prolong my journey in the previous bus, which can't take me to the underground station I need, but can take me to the next one from where I do know my way anyway so what's the harm. It's pretty outside, it's warm, the trees are beginning to bloom and everything is wonderful. And I deserve a nice spring walk, right?

My entrée from the bus was wonderful as well, like, I love you high heels, I do, but why do you want to cripple me all the time. Seriously.

The good news is that I literally stumbled upon a local farmers market I had no idea that's... well... actually here. It was small but hey, they had veggies and fruits so it was no doubt a farmers market. And my leg hurt as hell, but wasn't broken so I could walk around and promise myself that one day, as a succesful and not poor vegan, I'll return there and buy everything.

(As if, right.)

Day 31: Treat yourself to something sweet.

(Do hot soldiers count? I'm sure they do.)

My favourite sweets ever are frozen strawberries with sugar and this is precisely what I had for my breakfast today. No regrets, absolutely no regrets. And I think when I finally reach some kind of a financial independence, I'll be having frozen fruits every day. The only better option would be even MORE frozen fruits, honestly.

Also automatic rifles apparently turn me on now. I'm not sure if this is a good sign.

Day 64: Listen to an upbeat playlist.

(Less morbid than it seems.)

I've been known as an avid listener of weird shit as long as I can remember. And that didn't changed a bit even though a few patterns emerged... here and there... that indicate some sort of a direction. So the first song I'd like to mention here for today belongs to the "Cute Girls" playlist my mind sort of... developed on its own. It's Die Alone by Ingrid Michaelson and it seems to be able to get me into a good mood which is the best definition of "upbeat" I can think of. No. Hold on. Don't go away, come back! I swear this IS an UPBEAT song, I swear! Really!

No seriously, though, Ingrid is the cutest. Her voice is absolutely amazing, her lyrics are clever, too, and I come back to her songs quite regularly for some good vibes. Here, have some other songs I recommend from her:

 

Day 25: Watch the sun set.

(If the clouds won't make much trouble.)

I've adored sunsets ever since I was a child. There is something magical about this concept of a dying sun setting the world around it on fire. No wonder such similar symbolism appears in myths and legends all over the planet.

I like to believe that for some mystical reason as well, the Fate decided it'll be fun to make my bed always facing west and make me fascinated by the changing colours forever. Unfortunately those plans seem to work only when I am not in Prague, but one day, one day with a flat on my own, I'll make sure no one will take this wonderful theatre away from me.

I don't want to say that I can't see the sunset from here, but I need to climb out the window on a small rooftop to get a good view of it. Which is not something I'd do during winter so this was kinda the first opportunity I had to do this. Spring is here, spring is all around. And what I like even more about the sunsets in this time of year is the fact that the trees are still bare and their black silhouettes make clear contrast with the pastel colours slowly changing around them. It reminds me of a style some comic artists use, like the world is painted in dark ink except for the sky.

Day 40: Visit a local park.

(One?! How about two!)

Another day of my running adventures - firstly conquering the 5k distance this year. I am still pretty much shaken up by the frog-attacks from the last time, so... I didn't really fancy seeing any trees... the grass would do. Nice grass all around and some pretty paved paths is all I wanted this evening.

That and some zombies thinking how yummy I am.

Day 19: Surprise someone you love with a gift.

(Mystery of the red chair. Also: chocolate.)

While love might be a strong word for anything my fucked up body ever feels (except for tea, I am damn sure I love that), I had the delightful opportunity to make not one person, but two, smile today. Because of material possesions and the corrupted capitalist way to make acquaintances.

In other words: I've finally met Merida, my sweet little friend whom I had the pleasure to torture only online to this day. I brought her a fluffy teddy bear instead of hugging her, because I do well understand how uncomfortable touching strange people is. And for her friend - chocolate muffins. I mean, can you imagine better dinner?

It was awkward. Like all dealings with mortals are. But it was sweet. We didn't get lost. Much. We saw stars. And swans. And boats. And creepy people. What a beautiful night.

Day 1: Wear your favorite things.

(Ah. At last.)

There's one pleasant thing about having all class stare at you while you talk - you get to dress up. At least I love to do so, I mean, if I have to go out, I want to be pretty. And there are two things in particular I tend to be excited about - my little black dress, because it's little and black, no joke; an old secondhand shop find that brought me much joy over the years - and black thermo-leggings with ruffles that looks like you have a skirt; a gift my sister received and didn't want.

I had my presentation. I was pretty. I survived.

Day 27: Take a day off work just because.

(My brain is fried.)

Yeah, once again, I'm not even gonna pretend like my life is cool or anything, so I decided to spend the whole day in my bed, and that was it. The plan was not do anything important except for preparing for my presentation about the American elections for tomorrow - not because I wanted to do it, but I clearly didn't have any other choice. At least I got to be comfortable and sleep till the afternoon. I missed my art history lesson and I also miss creative writing very much. But my whole brain felt like expired jello, so I guess this was the best thing I could do for myself today.

Whatever. I'll be an adult some other time.

Day 10: Stargaze.

(252P/LINEAR)

I do admit that I had an ulterior motive for staying up the whole night. I've been fascinated with space and the stars ever since I was a little girl, I even considered becoming an astrophysicist. And even though this dream is long abandoned, I am still trying to stay at least a bit up to date with what's going on up there,

252P/LINEAR is one of the two comets that appeared on the night sky at the end of this month, but the thing special about 252P was her colour - she was bright green. And what more - she was 100 times brighter than scientists expected, so there was a chance to spot it even without a telescope.

The unfortunate thing is that the only thing I recognize nowadays at night is the Moon and the constellation of Orion. The rest... I've just completely forgotten throughout the years. The second unforutnate thing is that this is the capital, so the light pollution is way higher than in my home town. The third unfortunate thing is that the comet is now moving away from Earth and the Sun, so no one really knows when it will return. And the last unfortunate thing - beside stupid clouds ruining my whole stargazing night - was the fact that the Moon was really big and continued flooding the sky with its stupid light, which made it impossible - at least for poor little me - to spot this beautiful thing.

The good things are that I didn't catch a cold and now I am able to recognize Mars and the biggest star of the Scorpio constellation - Antares. And I also managed to learn some more things about Europe before the doomsday I mean morning.

Day 93: Go for a run.

(FROGOCALYPSE!)

I knew from the beginning that this day is going to be super miserable. And super long, as I planned to pull an all-nighter because of my midterm the next day from the European Integration. I really didn't want to fuck it up. I needed to concentrate. I needed to learn as much as I could, finish my revisions and simply - not to waste a single minute.

Besides that, I organised my closet, colour coordinated all my clothes and finally began to do my laundry, so I'd get to wear something decent for uni tomorrow. The only diversion besides an episode of Ripper Street in the morning (you know I had to) and drinking obscene amounts of tea - was half to an hour of running I planned for that day.

And guess what - it started raining in the afternoon. That nice heavy rain that gets water everywhere for the entire next month, yes, that kind of rain. But the Gods were merciful - much to my surprise - and it stopped during early evening.

I was delighted, I waited for an hour or so, to see if the weather is going to last for a bit, and went out the moment the sun set under the horizon - so I was sure, there'd be still some light till I get back. I wanted to go for a run into the forest, you see, because it's full of bugs - particulary tics - during summer so I do not get go there much. Yes, I knew it was going to be full of mud, the paths will be super slippery if there'd be anything left of them other than huge puddles, but... what's the worst that can happen? I will fall on my butt like a dozen times and look like a brown ugly mess when I return - and it's not like I wear my favourite clothes for running anyway, so what's the harm? Besides the bruises it would left on my ego.

I never anticipated, how wrong this assumption would be.

The good news? My butt is unharmed and so is my pride.

The bad news? I still looked like an idiot and- WATCH THE FUCK OUT, FROGS!

...

I have never, never I tell you, been so stressed in my life.

I thought exams were stressful. I thought the fact that everything on this planet is about to die, because the humanity fucked up - is stressful. I thought the terrorist threat is stressful. I thought the American elections were stressful. I thought all those treaties, and years, and names, and concepts I had to memorize were stressful.

WRONG!

There are things that people never tell you about. The true horrors of life. The dangers that lurks in the forests besides bugs and creepy people. And I stumbled into the middle of them. Literally.

It started small. A cute frog jumping around the tarmac road, so cute I wanted to stop and look at it closely, but nope! zombies are behind me, sorry, little froggie, I gotta go, or they'll eat us both. But as soon as I headed into the depths of the forest they were fucking everywhere. 

I had to run! But I could never be sure what's a piece of mud, what's a rock, what's a branch and what's a fucking frog! And I kid you not, there were FAR MORE frogs than anything in that forest, I swear, there were more of them than the fucking trees.

And the worst thing was, that I LOVE FROGS. They are cute, and green, and can jump and stuff, I adore them to bits and I didn't want to kill them with my feet! But the last thing you want when you are in the middle of the zombie apocalypse and there are dead people rasping in your ears - is a piece of ground fucking JUMPING TOWARDS YOU!

But what could I do? Get back to the road? That would mean running pass all those frogs again! I was already too far from it! Continue running through the forest then? But THERE WERE FROGS EVERYWHERE!

EVERYWHERE!

Long story short, I jumped like an idiot through the forest in the shortest way possible and hopefully not killing anything in the process. Oh what a sight that must have been xD Never go out after the rain kids. Even if you need to go and save the world. Do not do it. Beware of the frogs. They are too cute. Do not make the same mistake I did, unless you want a heart attack.

Beware.

Day 140: Binge on a TV show.

(Murders & Corsets.)

I haven't binged it in its entirety - yet! - but there's a new show that I've been quite obsessed with, lately. And it surely ripped my heart in pieces numerous times. And I've enjoyed it. Therefore, I've decided to ruin your life by telling you about it.

It's a BBC drama set in victorian London - my favourite - following the aftermath in Whitechapel after the Jack the Ripper's killings. Now, I've been a bit sceptical going into it - I didn't want to waste my time with another "entertaining" take on this famous murderer and his victims, because those tend to be "flashy" and "thrilling" in a way that makes them yet another dull and mainstream adventure not at all historicaly accurate and lot of the time - just enjoying the exploitation of women. But I do not want to rant about that here - maybe some other time - because Jack isn't the main focus.

What to say - I've been absolutely captivated by the first season. My breath taken away - I've lost count how many times that was - and I cried. Oh, how I cried (particulary during the fifth episode).

So what's so good about it?

a) The plots.  

I'm in the middle of the second season, and while I'm less hooked than during the first, this is still some good quality crime stuff. The first season - oh my - was almost like a drug. The stories were so damn well structured, the twists were amazing, plus the whole victorian aesthetics... dear Gods. 

Deat Gods.

Main characters: 

Long Susan - Homer Jackson - Edmund Reid - Bennet Drake - Rose

The cast and the people working on the show

b) History

It's not accurate to the letter, there are some bits here and there, that were adjusted to fit the story - but majority of the plots are based on real people and real events of that time.

The original H Division

c) Pretty Ladieees

It's Whitechapel. There are some very pretty ladies. Also strong and clever and kinda doomed by this unequality shit of 19th century. And the show deals with that soooo well.

d) DEAD PEOPLE
It's a crime show. Set in the 19th century. Everybody's pretty much dead now. Yay.

e) More brooding Darcy

The main character - Edmund Reid - is played by non other than Matthew MacFadyen. So if you miss Darcy from Pride and Prejudice looking really sad and doing some stupid shit, and you're up for some murders and violence - this inspector will get your fix.

You never know for certain if he wants to kill you or get you naked.

f) Jerome Flynn

Forget Game of Thrones, Jerome Flynn's performance here is one of the best I have ever seen ever. Bennet Drake is by far my favourite character of them all.

How dare you, sir, how dare you look so damn well with guns. Both in your hands and on your arms. 

(Also, I want to crawl back to my bed and cry just from remembering what things happened during this episode x.x)

g) Costumes!

JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS PRETTY STUFF MY HEART IS MELTING WITH JOY. Just look at the embroidery, this is it, this is how heaven looks like.

Daaaaaaaamn.

Anyways, there's still a lot to watch - each episode is an hour long - and even though there are just 8 of them per season, there's still a lot to watch. Mostly because I'm more and more scared what will happen next, so I don't really want to watch it. But I'm excited to find out what will fuck up this time even more, so I really want to watch it. Ugh, I swear, this show will be the death of me.